I've nothing to say

Besides 100,000,000 big ones. Mwa ha. Mwa ha, Mwa ha ha ha.

Seaweed Green Hair

Somebody actually complemented my hair today. For those out there who know me, its quite an accomplishment. I actually made a hair dresser cry once because she colored my hair seaweed green. It wasnt supposed to be seaweed green, you see, I colored my hair red before, and I wanted my natural blonde color back. So she was dying it blonde, and it became this green color. A really, really, really deep greenish/grayish color. She broke down crying, many other hair dressers had to come to the rescue, since my hair dresser was uncontrollable. In the end they got a normalish color back to my hair, they also had to cut a bit of it off. And also when it got wet, it turned gray. I havent colored my hair since.

But thats not my point, the point is someone complimented my hair. And I dont consider "is that really your real hair color??" a compliment, you see. That means it looks like I'm a fake blonde, thanks to all those jealous brunettes out there (the same goes for my eye color "do you really have blue eyes???" No freak, I have red eyes, I wear these blue contacts to hide my devil eyes). Thats not my point either, they werent complimenting my hair color, they were complimenting THE HAIR ITSELF.

Which, really astounds me. I hadnt brushed it at all today. Or washed it for that matter, I wash it at nights when I have class so early in the morning. They asked me how I get my hair to fall this way, and here is my secret:

First - Wash it at night
Second - Blow dry it only, do not touch it when you are done
Third - Get your beauty sleep
Fourth - Now this is the tricky part - Wake up sooo early where you dont give a flying crap what you look like
Fifth - Just walk out the door, and let nature take its course (ie wind blowing, greasiness, etc etc)

And thats how you get beautiful hair like mine.

The End

Monkey head in a biscuit thrower..

I forgot that I had two midterms today. The maximum amount, since I only have two classes. One in yoga and one in American History. I freaked out.

When I got into class this morning, the yoga man teacher thing told us to partner up, so I "partnered" up with the girl next to me. Man-o-man-o-man, we were only supposed to watch each other get into yoga positions. Which I did with ease, as I am a master beginner yogaer. Every time before she would get into position, she would come up with some pitiful medical condition she had, and that's why she didn't do a good job with her yoga positions. "oh, I have a wrist condition" "oh I have a knee condition" "oh I have a shin condition" I was so ready to say "lady, if being hella annoying is a condition too, you'd have a chronic case."

I didn't say that however, as one, its rude, and two I really didn't think of it until just right now. Haha, and its funny too. Being annoying as a condition? Man, I kill myself. Yea, this morning when I had my class, I was thinking more like "Hubbbity, hippity, hubbbity, hum, hum" as I am unable to think at 7 in the morning. Its a condition I have. HAHAHAHAHA. YEA RIGHT. I don't blame my laziness on a condition. Just like that lady shouldn't blame her inflexibility problem on 18,000 different made up conditions.

I passed my yoga test. Hahaha. I passed my history one too, as I am a master American History student. I am a master at everything. It's a condition I have.

Time to make bank baby

I finally got the computer hooked up at my apartment. And I also programmed some Sims into it. The Sim Tower game. Haha. I built a building this morning before work, and left it running aaaaaaaaalllll day. I should have some major bank by the time I get home today.. I CANNOT WAIT! This should be so exciting. Less than one hour, then a quick drive home, and time for spending fake money!!! Watch out Mr. Donald Trumpster!!! Mwa hahahahaha.

I wish I had a life.

Hormones Seriously Annoy the Crap Out of Me

I frikin HATE Tuesdays. And I probably hate you too (Not really, actually I love you all so very frikin much, and that really really annoys me). Why is it that I repel men like crazy, but all bugs are so attracted to me? I don't like bugs, I frikin hate bugs. And phones. And a good percentage of the boys out there. And my hair. And an over abundance of pink paper.

Mmm Mmm sure tastes goooooood

I'm only wearing one sock.

Watch out my outfit is ridiculuuuuuuus

Thats right, I'm ridiculuuuuuus. Because it's the weekend, baby-oh. Har Har Har. I'm going to do things that arent involving things like... things. You know? I'm awfully tired.

I need a vacation type thing. Where I do things..like..things. Sleep is one of them.. I think. Either that or, uhh, nap some. In the sun, sun is usually involved in vacation type things. Also I would be very thin and tan already. And look GREAT in a GREAT looking bikini with a GREAT looking chap rubbing various things all over me. And I'm wearing sunglasses.

FRIDAY!!!!

Phooey. Only by the grace of God did I get through another week. Or the grace of Coffee, whatever. I'm in a rut, I think I might start volunteering somewhere. What do I want to do??? Hmmm... Err... Uhhh.... Maybe I will just take a nap.

Mary Kate

I just received a phone call from my sister (hi Brenna) and she was telling me about uhh, those twins. Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen. They now want to be "individuals."

Well, Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen, hows about making a movie WITHOUT EACH OTHER!!!! I've never EVER seen one of these "girls" by themselves (I put girls in the "" because they look suspiciously manly). If they want to be "individuals" they need to branch apart.

So my suggestion is for one of them to drop of out the scene. My vote is for Ashley to bite the dust, I don't know about you all.

Nor do I give a crap.

Although I uber excited for New York Minute to come out!!! Woo hoo!!

GREAT SCOTT!

I forgot today was secretaries (admins) day. I got to work, and there were many flowers for me! And chocolates. And gift certificates! I feel so very loved and appreciated! It almost made up for the fact that Betty practically bit my finger off yesterday (index/right/at the tip: the most inconvenient finger, on the most inconvenient hand, at the most inconvenient place).

I don't know if Betty thought maybe my finger was a carrot? Or perhaps she was mad at me still for the near drowning incident. Or maybe she just likes human flesh...

My yoga teacher accused me of being the most "fidgety student he had ever had." I don't know what the heck that means. I itch a lot in the mornings. And my clothes never fall right, so I have to adjust them accordingly. I also don't have very good balance, so I have to adjust my weight from foot to foot. He would never understand what its like to be me. No one does. Has he ever had a hamster try to eat his index finger? Has he ever had anyone steal all his pencils before? Hmm? Does his roommate have excessive gas??? I DON'T THINK SO!!! I'll bet you HE would have the fidgety problemo if he were in the same situation.

Times New Roman

I've always wondered why Times New Roman font is ALWAYS the default font. And Arial. And Courier New. WHY?? None of them are very cute. The cute font is the Georgia font. And Book Antiqua. They are bubbly and not oversized like Courier New. Courier font is just waaaaaaaaay too big and fat. If Courier New was a man, he would be someone like John Candy or Chris Farley. Arial is just way way way too clean cut and boring. If Arial were a man, he'd be Arial Snotty the Eigth. Any guy with a title like "the third" or "the eigth" seems sooooo boring. Excluding King Henry the Eigth. And dont get me started on Times New Roman. Every frikin book out there is in Times New Roman font. LIVE A LITTLE PEOPLE!!! Expand your horizons!!!!

USE GEORGIA FONT!!!! THE CUTEST FONT IN THE WORLD!!!!! If Georgia font were a man, he would be someone like George Clooney or Brad Pitt. Or Beckham. heheheh, who's gonna be sososo single soon. SEE YA LATER POSH SPICE!!! Or shall I say "REJECTED SPICE!" haha

I think I've been a receptionist too long already.

Bad Melissa...

I'm not a very good hampster owner. Poor Betty. I got a hampster starter kit that came with a cage, water bottle, food, etc for very cheap. Unfortunatly I got a faulty water bottle with that kit. It would leak like CRAZY. I thought it was supposed to do that, so by the time I got home last night 4 water bottles were emptied into her tiny cage. All the bedding below expanded and took up most the room in the cage. Betty had to dig a path to walk through the cage. And she was very very wet. And from the look on her face, very very upset with me.

She just sat there looking at me, all shivery. I feel that if she were human, she would have slapped my face and challenged me to a dual. Because for some reason she looks French when she is mad. And French people dual, I think. They probably do. They are all kinda nutty. Like my hampster.

LUNCH TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oo da lolly, oo da lolly, oo da lolly wutta a day

Haha, so, I guess my gal pals ran into my roommate at the local Old Navy just the other day. Or shall I say they ran into my roommate AND her excessive gas problem at the local Old Navy just the other day. It was described to me, and I quote:

"It was like... bad gas... gone wrong"
- Jen Jen.

HAHAHAHAHAHHAHA. I blame myself, however, since I ran out of Gas-X to feed her.

Gorsh, I ran out of things to talk about. Hahaha, I said "gorsh" like ummm goofy. OH WAIT, I know what I was going to write about now. My brand new house pet, Betty. She's a hampster. And from what I've observed, completely useless. But I have warm feelings for her anyway. She hissed at me this morning when I tried to wake her and say "good morning" Now THATS my type of animal. She's just like me, but only a few ounces. And a hampster.

Must sign off now, must close up. Haha, as in, I have to leave work soon, which makes me feel warm and gushy inside.

I'm not working, holy whipper snapper!!

Huh. Not working makes me feel funny.
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/endofworld.html


I guess I'll go out and do something I suppose.

My Body is a Wonderland

WOO-HOO!! I get to go to a John Mayar concert. And Moroon 5 is going to be there. Finally John will be able to sing "Your Body is a Wonderland" to the girl it was intended for, ME!!! HAHAHAHAHA. I love caffine. And I very much love my gal pal Jme for going out and buying those tickets. Because I'm working and couldnt stand in line. JME I OWE YOU ONE!!

Actually I already owe Jme one as she won the bet on the Apprentice. I really thought Kwame could do it. (Damn Omorosa). So I owe her a tequila shot tonight when we go out. HoHoHoHo. However, I owe my gal pal Jen Jen something too, as she is DD tonight!! WOOO JEN JEN!!!

I'm very very very very tired.

Well, Fiddlesticks

I have no more pencils. Someone took the cruddy half sized pencil. I must have done some kind of awful to someone. I have been informed by my gal pal (and fellow receptionist) that it would either be my boss or my co-worker. Harrumph. Maybe I will just slip into their offices.....

Has anyone ever have one of those days where you just want to cry and cry and cry? Today is that type of day. Nothing is the matter really. My head feels like its going to implode at any second, but eh. It shouldn't be one of those days, Kill Bill Vol 2 is out and its Friday. I should be thrilled to alive. I love Kill Bill, and I love Fridays. And I have an abundant source of creamy foods waiting for me at home.

Maybe if I get a dorky tune in my head it could cheer me up. Lets see, hmmmm.

don't a worry, be a happy, dooo do do do oo oo do o o o. don't a worry, ooo a ooo a oooa o, be happy ooo a oo a o. don't worry be happy now.

YES!!! I'm on top of the world once again!!!!

The Mystery of the Dissapearing Pencils...

I'm at work (Big Suprise), and I have noticed something as of late. My pencils are dissapearing. Why? I dont know, I'm the only one (excluding my gal pal/co-receptionist) who uses these pencils. I had five (count that: one-two-three-four-five) good sized pencils this very morning. Now I have one half sized pencil that wasnt even mine to begin with. Someone traded a good sized pencil for a crudy half sized pencil. That's not right. Not at all. What have I done to this "pencil theif" I ask you? What could possibly have happened to make them disrespect me in such a heathen like manner?

THAT RIGHT!!! I CALLED YOU A HEATHEN, PENCIL THEIF!!!!! TAKE IT!!! or at least give me at least one good sized pencil back.

In fact, if the pencil theif gives me back a good-sized pencil in the next ten minutes, I'll turn my back and not say a word or hurt you in any sort of a manner. That's the type of person I am. I'm fair... Loving.... Kind.... Unless of course you happen to be a GIGANTIC YELLOW SPIDER. Theeeeeeeeeeen, not so much. But I really dont think a GIGANTIC YELLOW SPIDER could possibly be this heathenish Pencil Theif.





Or could he/she/it..............

Ding-Dong The Boss is gone!!!

Which old boss? The wicked boss!! Haha, just joking. Intresting enough, I actually like my boss. Who am I kidding though, I like everybody. Wutta a pain. But back to the boss being gone. I GET TO WEAR MY COAT NOW!!!!! HAhahahahahahahahaha. Thats right, the temperature is still dropping. The air conditionings on. Why? God only knows.

I really like creamy foods. Like ice cream. And whoopin cream. And puddin. Someone told me today that that makes me white trashy. But watch me not care.

Here's another tip for the wise out there!!

Carrots - They get very old very fast. And yeah, they make your skin turn an orangey color. And yea, they still give my roommate bad gas. But lets be honest here... what doesnt give my roommate bad gas? I love my roommate despite her excessive gas though. I feel bad that she has to take so much gas-x. I wonder what that will do to her in the long run? Would it turn her pink? I guess we shall find out....

Brrrr....

I think I should form a lynch mob. And this lynch mob I created would attack the man who heats this office. It's cold outside. VERY COLD. Its colder in here. In a building. On the 6th floor. Didnt I hear once that heat was supposed to rise? Hohohoho.

I think this lynch mob (of very cold people) should dump the heater man into the Atlantic Ocean. Near the North Pole. Then take him out, put him in a cold building in front a computer and telephone, and make him sit. All day. Just sit and be cold. And answer phones. Then he might know what its like to be me.

Probably not though.

Rude People

I was on the phone today with a man who wanted the phone number to Ashmead School of Massage. The conversation is as follows:

Me: Do you have a pen and paper so you can write this phone number down?
Weird Man: Hang on a second....
Suspicious noise
Weird Man: Eh, Eh, haha, ok sorry about that, I have a lot of medical problems, one of them being a over active bladder.
Me: Did you pee with me on the phone, sir?
Weird man: Of course, I couldn't just put you on hold.
Me: 503.892.8100goodbyesir
Click

I do not envy the person who gets a massage from him.

At work again

I have to pee so freakin hard right now. Oh lolly. And the clouds are rolling in to stay apparently. RAIN. Thats what it does here. It rains and rains. And rains and rains. And rains. Ususally. I wonder if I'm having a mid-life crisis. I want to move to Arizona. Right smack in the middle of the desert. Were its hot. And not rainy. Where the sun shines and shines and shines.

Maybe I wouldnt have to pee there. Like I do right now. Really hard.

My pants are way too big for me. They are size 12. I'm size 8. Normally thats ok, I just tye my pants on with a belt. But these pant are very very tricky. They have no belt loop. So if I bend down to pick something up (which happens quite often as I have butter like fingers) I flash people. Like plumbers do.

Maybe I should be a plumber instead of a manager. I could do it. As long as I didnt have to deal with any toilets. Or any other types of pipes.

Good Golly miss molly, I sure do like to partay-haaaaaaaaaaay. Except its monday. So the lyrics should be more like, "Good Golly miss molly, I wish I wasnt working"

I dont think I am a very good receptionist as I actually get quite angry at people when they call. Like right now, I'm really focused in on writing this here blog, and people keep asking me questions and calling this school. That really really annoys me. And a lot of times, I dont know anything. People ask me something, and I just stare at them with a blank face. That really really annoys me too. Not that I dont know anything, but that people would think to ask me something I dont know.

I would be a better manager. Because I would like to take lots of really long breaks. And have people fear me. And make a lot more money. But I need to work on my laugh. I have a really quiet one. To be a manager, you have to laugh loud enough for the entire floor to hear. A really evil laugh too. MWA HWA HWA HWA HWA. ::cough cough::

::sigh::

Oh Mondays, how I despise thee.

Happy Easter, I suppose. You know my roommate (the one with the excessive gas) has recently become devoted Christian. Which is annoying because every time I move in with someone, they go crazy for our Lord up above. I reallly dont know what it is about me....

Anyway, her sisters came to town, and I asked her if she was going to take them to Easter service. Here is the conversation we had....

Melissa - So are you taking your sisters to church??? It's Easter this weekend."
Roommate - Uh, no.
Melissa - Oh, why not, I thought you are all religious now.
Roommate - I know, I am religious. I need a break this weekend though.
Melissa - But it's Easter this weekend, even I'm going to church.
Roommate - Uh, hello, I go to a Jahovah Witness Church, they dont celebrate stupid holidays like Easter.

Seriously, whats the point of being Christian if you dont get to eat chocolate on the stupid holidays like Easter???

I really dont understand Jahovah Witness's. I cant believe they actually got to her. Maybe no other religion wanted her due to her excessive gas. ::giggles evilly::

Hoo-eee. I really dont understand why its such a big deal that Jesus rose from the dead, I mean, I practically wake from the dead every morning to get to class. I guess thats why we celebrate our birthdays. But I want another holiday just for me.


Hear ye, Hear ye, I now declare the day of our Lord, June 21st, MELISSA DAY!!!!!! Please send her lots of money.

Holy bejesus!!! 35 minutes to go!!! I dont know if I can do it. I want to sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.

http://lazyjuice.com/!/kogepan/

It's a very very sad story about red bean bread

Krispy Kreme Face

Did you know that when the sign at the Krispy Kreme doughnuts place is lit up, that they just give you a free doughnut? Just for being there?

I'm so serious. I went to go get my work a treat. So I was there. And the guy at the counter was all "here you go ma'am" and I was all "Sir, I cannot possible handle my debit card and eat the sticky (marvolous) doughnut at the same time!" Actually I just thought this, because I thought he was being really nice, and only giving me a free doughnut, cause I was so adorable. (This, however, was not the case). So I ended up stuffing my face. And much to my shock and horror, I got into my car and realized I HAD DOUGHNUT ALL OVER MY FACE!!!! I felt like a two year old. Most the time I act like a two year old, but I at least usually look my age.

Boy-o-boy. My sister is in town. We are going to Multnomah Falls tomorrow. I'm going to hike. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, whooo, now we all got that out of our system (you see, I'm not in tip-top shape). Chances are, I will hurt myself. We'll see Saturday I suppose.

Two-hours and ten minutes. Golly gee whiz. And I have still somehow prevented myself from jumping in the Willamette River. Probably because some shifty looking characters were giving me the "eye" so I scurried away from the waterfront as quickly as possible. Man, Portland has a lot of shifty looking boys. They're all sitting there, looking weird and.........you know......shifty.

Still no hot men.......

GAY ORG...... WHERE ARE YOU???????? SAVE ME PLEASE.



Because you are so sosos sososo soso sosos os o

so

hot!!!!!

Oh thank the heavens above its thursday. I dont think I could have handled another day. In fact, I'm sure I couldnt. Dunk-a-dunk-a-dunk. You know, I'm not even sure I can handle the rest of today! I still have 7 hours and 50 minutes to do. Hells bells. Something needs to cheer me up.... What could possibly cheer me up? A hot man. That would cheer me right up. Unfortunatly I work here, we repel hot men at Western Business College.

You know, I think I'm in such a pissy mood because of my dream last night (this morning actually). George Clooney was in it. He followed me around repeating "you're so cute, you're so cute, you're so cute" and the only way to get him to shut up was to make out with him. And then I woke up and realized there really is no George Clooney in my life. ::sigh:: Woa is me.

Phwoar, I'm glad I got that off my chest. Dunk-a-dunk-a-dunk.





You're so cute, you're so cute, you're so cute, you're so cute.......


I LOVE YOU GAY ORG!!!!!!!!!!!

It's Monday again. I swear, Mondays come outta no where. It completely snuck up on me. Although, I dont work Friday this week (thats right, I get a three day weekend) so it's kinda like my tuesday. If I think about it real hard. But it's really not. Really it's Monday.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA, IM EATING A CINAMON ALTOID!!! Bad breath beware! It's curiously strong. And it would have to be, after all this coffee I have had today. God bless coffee.

God bless coffee on Mondays.

And God bless everyone.

I found that GIGANTIC YELLOW SPIDER in my car again. This time I killed it. HAHAHAHAHA. Take that! I drowned it in febreeze. So now my car is both refreshing and spider free. Talk about killing two birds with one stone.

Man that spider was super busy, my car is full of spider webs. The bitch was trying to build some sort of castle in MY car, thats just wrong. And gross. And scary.

Remember people, kill kill kill.....

Well, its Saturday, and I am working, or shall I say "working" mwa hahahahahahahaha. God, it's beautiful outside. But I am inside. There is something so sosososososososososo wrong with that. Portland is the best place to be when it is sunny. People (even the psychos) are so nice. Boss is back must go.

ugsahdljgw....less than two hours to go......must......make......it.........zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Unless of course you are sitting next to someone like my roommate, who has excessive gas. In that case plug your nose, and take short, quick breaths through your mouth.

If Brenna is reading this before tomorrow, very good luck on your test!!!! Remember to breath through your nose, and use those natural filters! I shall see you soon.

Har Har Har
http://www.extremefunnypictures.com/funnypic387.htm

Well, I have another 12 1/2 hour shift to get through today. Friday is always a chalenge to get to. Oh, I have to work Saturday too though. Hells Bells. I need the money for Vegas though, so I guess its alright. VIVA LAS VEGAS!

Good morning Western Business College (I hope you have a rotten day!) mwa hahahahahaha.