Greetings from a world beyond...

I learned in my Creativity class way back when (2000) where the focus was finding my inner chi and taking naps mostly, that I am supposed to believe in signs. Haha. Yea. So lately there has been signs I have not been able to interpret.

What does it mean when you are watching AM Northwest (I have no cable, lay off) and you are watching someone talk for a good 5 minutes before you realize you actually used to be very good friends with them?? It didnt even register that she looked at all familiar. Here was my reaction

::AM Northwest in the background::
"hmmm," i was thinking this, not speaking aloud, "I used to know someone named...Oh wait...She looks a lot like... Oh, that is her. Huh."

And then, what does it mean when you practically run over a pedestrian that also happens to be someone you were friends with during the same time period the very next day. Here was my reaction:

::I am driving in portland, somone steps out in front of my car::

"dodooodoo, what the!," again, this is all in my mind, "oh, that person has a slightly familiar style... oh wait, yea, I know him. Huh."

THESE THINGS HAVE TO BE RELATED SOMEHOW. I just dont understand the connection. Or what this means.

You know what? I'm done thinking about it. It's pointless, and highly useless I'm sure.

I'm going to think about hummus instead.

Come on Barbie, Lets Go Party

BAD NEWS FOLKS!!!

Barbie has dumped Ken after a 43 year relationship. Her new "metro sexual" boyfriend "Blaine" is a Australian-like boogie boarder/surfer.

It turns out Ken was too preppy like.

Poor Ken....

http://www.manbehindthedoll.com/BLAINE.htm

Thank You Dave!

Choose a band/or artist and answer only in SONG TITLES by that band::

*~*~*Dave Matthews Band*~*~*

Are you female or male: Repunzel, Sleep to Dream Her

Describe yourself:: Dreaming Tree, So Much to Say, Too Much, Proudest Monkey, So Right, Best of Whats Around,

How do some people feel about you:: You Never Know

How do you feel about yourself:: Fool to Think

Describe your ex girlfriend/boyfriend:: Pay for What You Get, When the World Ends, Pig, Say Goodbye

Describe your current girlfriend/boyfriend:: Drive In Drive Out, Cry Freedom

Describe where you want to be:: Grey Street, The Space Between

Describe what you want to be:: Dancing Nancies, Angel

Describe how you live:: Kit Kat Jam, Busted Stuff, Bartender, If I had it All, Everyday, Ants Marching, Stay (Wasting Time)

Describe how you love:: So Right, Crash Into Me, Say Goodbye, I Did It, Crush

Share a few words of wisdom:: Dream of Our Fathers, Where Are You Going, Dont Drink the Water

Yes, I have found my superpower!

My superpower is getting lost! I took my gal pal, Lisa to the airport this lovely morning and ended up in Gresham. Yes, Gresham.

So there you have it folks! My superpower...

What I wouldnt give to have x-ray vision...

It's Friday.

OH!! By the by, if you ever have wondered what Gresham is like, I shall tell you. It's EXACTLY like Beaverton. But ghetto. And it has a sign that says you've entered Gresham. It's metal I believe and has shooting stars on it. I think it is supposed to be "arty." Alls I know, however, is that it is sure fun to swear at. "Gresham!" I said, "how the #%&* did we get to bloody Gresham?! I mean, *!#@!!!!"

Luckily enough my gal pal and I were extremely tired and found the entire situation quite hillarious. And then we had a very deep conversation about what a crap name "Troutdale" is for a town. And then we giggled some more. And eventually (by no fault of mine, believe me) found the airport. On the way back home I went to Troutdale. I giggled by myself. And then came back to Portland. And then I sighed, again, by myself. Then I took a shower and came to work. And here I am. ::sigh:: (by myself).

867 5309

Weeeeeeeeell. Yea. I'm on my second day of dieting. I'm hungry and I have to pee, I wonder if it is worth it. As my mother says, "Nothing tastes as good as svelt feels..." I dont know about that, a bacon cheese burger sounds FABULOUS right now.

I got on my scale the day before yesterday, and I was 6 pounds heavier from when I last weighed myself. Phooey. And then, this morning, I got back on the scale, and it said I had lost 3 pounds. I dont believe it. The scale is trying to get me off my diet. So is everyone at my work. "Eat chocolate," they say, "Melissa, eat pizza." WELL I SAY NO!!! I'm sick of eveyone trying to fatten me up. SO SCREW OFF SCALE AND VARIOUS CO-WORKERS!!! I'm sticking to it this time. I've already gotten through two days... I mean how hard can it really be?

Funky Monkey

So, I have decided to go on a diet.

Again..

This time I shall do it right though, no more messing around. Oh ho, yes, I'm cutting the old calories. I stepped on my dumbass scale this morning.. I weighed 6 pounds more than I did two months ago. Something is just wrong with that. Damn but I'm hungry something awful now.

No, I can do this! Geesh.

Oh, I wish....

Mary Kate Olsen is anorexic. And she happens to be worth like, billions of dollars. MARY KATE! Why dont you hire a chef with your tons of money, and make him keep you thin while eating lots of fabulous foods???? Thats what they do. Is cook. And then hire some EXTREMELY handsom fella to help you excersise. I mean, COME ON ALREADY!!

I hate rich people. Although, I still want to be rich. I really dont think I would mind hating myself so badly if I could have everything I want. The first thing I would do if I were rich, is heat this building up. So I would be warm and toasty. The next thing I would do with all my money... hmmmmm.... I think I would take a nap. And eat cherries in my sleep. Rich people are allowed to do that you know. Eat and sleep at the same time.

I think from now on, I shall introduce myself as Coocoo for Cocoa Puffs. Like, if someone is trying to hit on me (yes, thats right, im not ALWAYS shoved out of the way) it would go something like this:

"Hi, I'm Tony"
"Hi, I'm Coocoo for Cocoa Puffs"

Because I am.

BOO YEA!

There was a 48 hour Bonanza Marathon on this weekend! Heaven! Yesssssss. Adam Cartwright kicks ass. ::sigh:: they just dont make men like that anymore.

I was at a bar this weekend, and this horrible ugly old man shoved me, literally shoved me, out of the way to pick up on one of my friends. He put his arm across my boobies, and SHOVED ME AWAY! While I was talking to her. We were having a conversation and he pushed me aside. And then ignored me for a good 15-30 minutes. To pick up on her. I hate him. No friend of mine is going to waste there time on such a WASTE OF FLESH!!

ADAM CARTWRIGHT WOULDNT DREAM OF DOING SUCH A RUDE THING!!!! I mean, yea, Adam kills quite a bit and often stands at a bar like a homosexual would, but at least he is polite. Good grief.

::yawn::

I wish we could pick different rings for my phone up here. It goes "brrrng...brrrng" That bores me immensely. I wish it was like a cell phone, where you can change the ring to fit your moods. My cell phone plays Madonna's Material Girl when the ballarina calls. It plays Jay-Z's Dirt off your shoulder when my gal pals call. It's interesting. When my family calls it plays Britney's Toxic. It makes me giggle. It makes answering your phone fun again.

I was reading the sport section of the Oregonian today (I know! ::gasp:: it was only because I couldnt find the comics). There is some Grand Prix type of thing going on right now. And the boys are very very very cute! I especially enjoy an English chap named Justin Wilson. He's a rookie, and he is adorable. It says here that he enjoys eating pasta and drinking orange juice. Hmmm. I wonder what else he enjoys... Perhaps busty blondes who enjoy complaining? Tee hee. If Justin Wilson were to call my cell, I would have the ring play... hmmm... The British National Anthem. Or Super Tramp. Ah, if only...

I saw my sweet Murphy last night. He panted and gave me kisses. Lexi bit me.

4 hours and 10 minutes left. Whoosh, I can DO THIS!!! I know I can. Super Tramp is on my side.

I dont know the British National Anthem.

Coffee

I hate today. It's sunny. There was traffic. I am working. I'm cold. It's warm. Outside, not inside. I am inside working in the cold while it is warm outside. And there was lots of traffic.

I really dont mind traffic too terribly much, you get to listen to tunes and sing along at the top of your voice. What I dont like about traffic is all the other annoyed drivers. The annoyed drivers annoy me. They act as if the ENTIRE Sunset Hwy traffic should cater to their needs. Hrmph. Wrong. Like merging in front of someone is a personal insult. I got honked at this morning. Because of merging into traffic. They didnt want to let me in. I didnt even cut them off, I merged. MERGED, LADY, I MERGED!! Calm the hell down. We're ALLLLL going to work, I'm sure. I didnt wake up at 5am to piss you off. I woke up at 5am to go to work. And in order to go to work, I have to drive there first. To get to Portland. Where my work is. And that is why I merged. To get to work. Not just to drive around pointlessly during rush hour. Get a grip. Try soothing yourself with Super Tramp.

This coffee I am drinking is CRAP.

Oh Lolly Golly Bolly Tolly

There is nothing in the world I like better than Claritin. Claritin D to be exact. Guess who is not sneezing?!? Me. I am not sneezing. And my eyes dont itch. Also my nose isnt all snotty and runny. I am a little bit loopy. And I kind of feel like I am in love, but I'm not. Maybe I am in love with myself. THATS IT! I love myself. More than anything. More than you, for sure.

Unless Murphy is reading this. I love Murphy more than me. I love you Murphy.

I think the Claritin commercial lies. They all talk about being Claritin Clear. Things dont look any clearer. Things look more confusing. Like, I dont even think I am spelling Claritin correctly. I dont spell a lot of things correctly.

OH THAT DAMN BALLIRINA CAME BACK! Now I know what I dont like about him! He came by my place last night. My roommies and I were watching some Fox stuff. On Fox. And he came by, we all had fun. It was nice and pleasant. It turned out though, that he actaully came by so I could watch videos of him dancing. And when we were done with the videos, he brought pictures of him dancing that I could admire.

When I talk to him on the internet, he keeps sending me baby pictures of himself. And the last time I hung out with him, he bought all his sketches (he likes to draw) that he has done the past few years. There were like 500 pictures of a turtle. A cute turtle, mind you. But I had to come up with 500 little exclamations like "ah ha" and "ooo" and "mmmm" and "har har har" . It's tiring being friends with someone who is so full of themselves.

I have run out of compliments to give. He has taken them all, and now he wants more.

WELL I SAY NO!!! NO MORE HOMOSEXUAL BALLARINA BOY!!! I've had it. Next time we hang out, we are not going to admire your talent. We are going to admire and worship Super Tramp. Cause God loves Super Tramp.

ITS TUESDAY!!!

Oh, wait, I dont like Tuesdays...

I'll tell you why every other week day is better than Tuesday:

Monday: I'll have to admit is a difficult day to get through, but on the bright side, you get to tell everyone about the crazy and wild things you did during the weekend. So people are actually interesting on Mondays.

Wednesday: hump day, need I say more.

Thursday: down hill.

Friday: I mean, hullo, Friday.

And I wont even get into how fantastic Saturday and Sunday are.

And then there is Tuesday. Tuesday. Blech. Honestly. Everyone is boring again, you are still going up the damn hill, and yea, its dumb. I wont even capitalize it any longer.

I hate tuesday.

It is sunny and warm outside. This is something I highly enjoy. I like the warm sun just like I enjoy a long hot shower. Or, shall I say, I enjoy the warm sun just like I enjoy kicking people I dont like in the shins. Highly satisfying.

Also, I get to wear my Farra Faucett sunglasses on my way home.

Things are looking up.....

20 minutes

hmmmmm. I did NOTHING this weekend. That's not true, I did laundry this weekend. Doing laundry is super boring. I also saw the last 5 episodes of Sex and the City. Purty good, Purty good. Also, I helped someone clean. And walked around a bit at the Rose Festival. I got smashing drunk on Thursday, which is not the weekend so it doesnt count. I had a cellular telephone problem. And then I cleaned out Betty's cage.

Now I'm working again. Shooooo. I need another day off.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO BRENNA

Happy birthday Brenna, you old fossil, you. ::Yawn:: I feel old.

DAY OFF

I am not working.

Frequent Break #3, Day 2

Mmmm geesh. So, yea. Less than 2 hours left. I get tomorrow off. So I wont work. Tomorrow. And stuff. No. And stuff. My brain is dead. Yea. I hate phones. I think maybe because my brain is dead. O

I have work. Oh. So yea. Mmmmm.

Frequent Break #2, Day 2

::Yawn:: hubba hubba hubba hubba hubba hubba hubba hubba hubba hubba hubba hubba hubba hubba hubba hubba hubba hubba hubba hubba hubba hubba hubba hubba hubba hubba hubba hubba hubba hubba hubba hubba hubba hubba hubba hubba hubba hubba hubba hubba

Have I ever told you that I dont like Courier New font? Cause I dont. Like Courier New font.

hubba hubba hubba hubba hubba hubba hubba hubba hubba hubba hubba hubba hubba hubba hubba hubba hubba hubba hubba hubba hubba hubba hubba hubba hubba hubba hubba hubba

OH WHAT A BEAUTIFUL MORNING! OH WHAT A BEAUTIFUL DAY!! I HAVE A BEAUTIFUL FEEEEEEELING EVERYTHING IS GOING MY WAY!!! (besides the fact that I worked during this "beautiful" morning, this "beautiful" day and this "beautiful" evening too. Beautiful is in parenthesis cause its CRAP out again)

hubba hubba hubba hubba hubba hubba hubba hubba hubba hubba hubba hubba hubba hubba hubba hubba hubba hubba hubba hubba hubba hubba hubba hubba hubba hubba hubba hubba

blub

Frequent Break #1, Day 2

::Yawn:: I've been itching at my hand in this one particular place for like a half hour. I've just looked at where I've been itching a minute ago, it was a papercut, now its all bloody. Yuck. It still itches. I have 4 papercuts from just yesterday. I'm really a facinating person arent I? With my papercuts and all. Hooie.

My baby sis is graduating tomorrow. I hope not everyone gets up and walks away like they did at my ceremony. My last name is Yard, and there were, what? like 500 ppl in my graduating class, no one was there when I got my diploma. They all were getting up and leaving. 4 years of bs, and no one appreciates it. Hrmph. Maybe Lindsay will get to be one of the first ones because she is valedictorian. I'm very proud of her.

I'm also very proud of my friends who are graduating from OSU on Sunday. I'm sad they cant be with me this weekend for the sailors, but it is COMPLETELY understandable. Anyway, more sailors for me is not a bad thing. And Lisa is in town, we always have a blast together. And this time LISA IS INDEED SINGLE!!! Finally!

In conclusion I'm very proud of Jme Jen Jen and Lindsay! You go get 'em girls!! Also my very good gal pal and receptionist in crime had her father's funeral yesterday, so much love goes out to Tanya. I love you too gal!! Hope you are feeling better...

Frequent Break #3

I ate pretzels. And drank diet Dr. Pepper. Now I'm cold. And quite frankly, really bored. Shooooo. Yup. Many breaks. Oh, I'm pulling another 12 hours shift tomorrow, so stay tuned for more frequent breaks tomorrow! Righto!

I'm sleepy. And I have ice cream at home.

IM NOT ODD DAMMIT!

Frequent break #2

OMG JONATHAN BRANDIS IS DEAD!!! He killed himself last November. No has told me. My mom's celebrity death beeper has FAILED me. Why would he kill himself? There is no reasoning behind it. One, I used to have a large crush on him, which would be enough to sustain the most depressed of people. And two, how will he know how Harry Potter ends if he's DEAD?!?!

I mean, maybe he was sad his movie career went no where. Maybe he had to become a receptionist. Oi, I shudder at the thought. Maybe he worked as a receptionist in an extremely cold building. That was girl repellant. That poor sap.

PS Jonathan Brandis was Bastian in The Neverending Story II, for you dopes who dont know who Jonathan Brandis is. Pshh, you are probably partly responsible for his death. Remember the good ol' Ladybug days..... ::sniff sniff::

Hello, and welcome to Monday morning, blech

I work a 12 hour shift today. I thought I would keep up morale by taking frequent breaks. This being my very first one. I actually worked for an entire HOUR already. Pretty impressive for being so early in the morning, I must say.

I was INDEED in the Starligh Parade this weekend. It was great fun. I wore a pink wig. I was on TV. Some older ladies tried to pon me off on some sailors marching in front of us. Viewers thought I was a volunteer. HAHAHAHAHAHA. Fantastic.

I also bought my elderly like sister some presents that I am quite jealous of. I used one of them last night. She said it was all right. My roommie (the one without excessive gas) had a BLAST! Aahh, good times, those weekends are....

THE SAILORS ARE COMING THIS WEDNESDAY!!! Ah HA, Fleet Week(end) BEGINS! I'm gonna get my party groove on baby. Haha, and do things, like dance! And drink!! and be merry!!! In a responsible sort of way if you happen to be reading this mom... Hopefully my friends wont stay in Corvallis this weekend. I would be SORELY dissapointed. Two of my friends have already backed out on this weekend. Stupid boyfriends.... Well actually, one backed out because her boyfriend has issues with sailors (he thinks they are sleezy, pshhh) and the other decided to have some great issue with ME. So screw her, she's the one missing out, not me. She doesnt have any friends. Ho hum pigs bum. Thats what you get when you make your boyfriend the center of you life, you loose all your lady friends.

I hate gas. Well, I mean I hate gas you fill your car up with. And the other kind, of course. But it cost me $20 to fill up my tank. Good heavens! A rip off! I dont go anywhere fun either! I paid $20 to go to work! DAMMIT!

And also, I hate George W. Bush. He wants to start the draft up. And now he wants to draft girls. Jerk. I would so get drafted in a heart beat. I have nothing going for me. I a freakin receptionist. With no child or husband. I'm worthless to the government. Do you know what would happen to me if I got sent to Iraq? They treat their own women like crap, let alone their enemies women. Egads! PEOPLE!!! A VOTE FOR BUSH IS A VOTE FOR MY RAPE AND MURDER!!!

I think I might work again. Maybe. We'll see.

Hey Guess What!??!

I have no life. Nothing has happened. NOTHING! I went on a dateish thing last night. It was all right, I think he thought I was weird or something. The poor fool. I am actually quite normal. And cute. And funny. And a real catch I must say. I dont think he is ever going to call me back, that fool of a boy. Who needs him anyway. Even if he was tall and had some cute dimples. Screw him...

I'm going to see the midnight showing of Harry Potter tonight, and this little girl (as in me)CANNOT WAIT!! I'm going with my roomie! This is the first thing we are going to do with eachother outside of the apartment. It should be interesting.

Hmmmm. What else? Ah, I'm going to decorate some floats for the Starlight Parade on Saturday. I also might literally BE in the parade. Why? I havent the faintest idea. But, whatever works. I've never been in a parade before.

And thats it. Thats how increbily boring this (as in me) gal is. I'm not really boring, really. I'm actually very interesting. And have I also mentioned that I'm cute? Because I am. Pshhh. Stupid boys.

Comment

You can comment on me now!! Great!!! Fabulous! Now I will know everyone thinks I'm a fool!!!

PS I already know I'm a fool mwa hahahahaha.

Here's a Beatnik Like Poem for all those readers out there....

TONY!,
said the moroon man with a twisted smile-
we shall sail sail and sail!
at the mooooooon rise carnival....!
>>whooooosh whoooosh<<
silence
madness
sadness
a ballerina hit on me this weekend
fabio...

::snap, snap, snap, snap::

Yea, I was hit on by a ballerina. He told me he was straight, however, I did not believe it. I still dont in fact. He looks and acts gay. I mean he IS IN FACT HOMOSEXUAL. Thats why I went to lunch with him. I wanted a gay friend. And he is very very funny and interesting. Until he started hitting on me. Then he turned into every lame ass guy I've ever met. And then he only annoyed me after that. BUT HE WOULDNT LEAVE. He spent the night on my couch. I wanted him to leave. (my roomies were home) And then I woke up, he was still there. He would not leave. We all took showers. He was still there. Doing nothing. Not even watching TV, because he doesnt like to watch tv. He just sat there, staring at nothing. So then I pretended I had to run some errands, and went to visit murphy at my parents house. Also, I ate lunch at my parents house. It was nummy. Although, I forgot what I ate. Maybe it wasnt good. No wait, it was in fact very good. Some Costco type sandwich.

I think this blog marks the end of my poetic career. Also, I look like crap in turtlenecks. ::Sigh:: it was never ment to be. I must move on.

>>whooosh whoooosh<<