3 Day weekend - DAY ONE

Slept like I have never slept before. And now I have a headache. Then I got my eyebrows waxed. Made my headache worse. Then Lisa called, she's coming home again, right before finals. My headache increased. I'm happy Lisa is coming home. I have missed her something fierce. Although, I am quite jealous of her as she gets to live in San Fransisco. And I still live in Portland. Whatever. I may go see a movie now. Who knows.

asldgkj

You know what one of the worst smells in the world is? Burned popcorn. Do you know what one of my roommate's (the one with out excessive gas)favorite food is? Popcorn. Do you know what my roommate is incappable of doing? Making unburned popcorn. She doesnt know why she burns it. She follows the direction on the back. Pop for 5 minutes. What she doesnt read, I guess is the fine print that says "listen until the popping is less frequent AND TAKE THE DAMN THING OUT!" Neither of my roommates care what the place smells like ever. So it's my job to clean the place up and air it out. No easy task. No short task either. No inexpensive task while we are at it. I get no appreciation, I swear. I'm not even a mother yet. I DO THEIR DISHES! While they are watching tv, when I get home, I pick their dishes up and I clean them. What kind of bizario world is this? My own mother probably would not believe her eyes. I work 6 hours more than them PER DAY and I clean up after them too. I would say "I wont do it anymore then" but it doesnt work. They let the place fall apart. I'm going CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

grrrrrrrrrr, bark!

STUPID STUPID STUPID MOTHER NATURE. MAKE IT SUMMER!!! not this rainy muggy misty crap stuff we have going on now. This isnt Florida, hullo. Nobody is nice anymore. People glare at me on the streets. For no reason! All day today. No one (that I dont know that is) has been nice to me at all. Very rude and cold people, it's almost as if I have moved to London, but no body has cute accents to make up for it. I really need to quit Oregon really really soon. Move on. Oregon doesnt know a good thing when it has it. Hrmph.

I miss murphy...

Wowie Wow Wow!!!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA. I watched a bit of Manos: Hand of Fate last night. It's #1 on IMBD top 100 movies of all time. I watched a bit of the MST3K version of this flick. Ta hahaha. And tonight I am going to watch something that will probably amuse me even further. The grand finale of the Swan. Such an incredibly bad show, where they take average looking women, and turn them in to drag queens look alikes. In this episode they are going to be all drag queened out, and compete to be the swan. Ta ha, get it, from an ugly duckling to the one perfect swan. With fake eyelashes. And hair extentions. I wonder what a swan would look like with fake eyeslashes? And fake boobs. And a fake nose. And a face lift. And a tummy tuck. I dont think any of the boy swans would like her so much. They would probably stick with the sisters of this swan. Because fake eyelashes are just too weird on a swan.

Also this swan would have a lot of emotional issues that she just worked through. By beating up a male swan. Because the male swan neglects her. And calls her "average"

How am I doing today???

I'm working and it is Saturday.
Thats how I am.
The end.

Who wants a polish dog??

I DO I DO!

Which is precisely why I went to Freddies today and purchased polish dogs. Which is what I am going to have for dinner when I get home. I also got some baked beans. Its like eating summer almost. Har har har I CANNOT WAIT!!

Portland is full of people tonight as Mr. John Kerry and that character Dean Howard are here. Hahaha, people hate Bush something fierce. Haha, Boot bush Out. I cant get out to the square, however, as I have to answer phones. I want to meet a president someday. Hmmm, how does one meet a president?? I think while eating my polish dog tonight, I shall study Forest Gump.

Forest Gump was a war hero. Gar! I dont want to go to war. I wouldnt be a hero at all. I think I would be in Bubba's position. "Forest...I wanna go home" ::sniff sniff:: Man, Forest Gump is such a lovely movie. I love Tom Hanks. Even though he tries to tell me what to do in a canoe.

Great Mystery of Life at Last I've Found You.....

I got some soda today.... FREE soda. Free soda always tastes better than soda you actually pay for.

Ok, I have an announcement to make.

Friends, Family, and other people I dont really care about,
You now have a connection to The Great And Almighty Mandy Moore!! Thats right, through me, you are practically Mandy Moore's best friend.

My roommates boss's sister-in-law wrote a book on nannying in Hollywood, which - in turn - is possibly being made into a movie. If it is made into a movie, Mandy Moore has agreed to play the part of the Nanny. In Hollywood.

So you may (or may not) know me, and I have a roommate that has a boss that has a sister-in-law who wrote a book that will be made into a movie that Mandy Moore will do.

HA. Great. Terrific. Splendid.

Processing; Processing; Processing; Processing

This page is no longer available.

I swear, PeopleSoft is just as useless and pointless as any boyfriend I've ever had. At least occasionally I would get a backrub or a free meal out of the boys. No free food or massages from the PeopleSoft. In fact, I dont think we should call it "PeopleSoft" any longer, it should be called "PeopleReallyTenseBecauseIDontWorkWorthCrap"

Great, now I have to pee.

THIS IS YOUR FAULT PEOPLESOFT!!!!

Is it really only Tuesday? Monkey head in a biscuit thrower, it is.

Something really good better happen to me very very soon.

Stoopid people!!

This actually happened a few days ago, but as I am waiting for work to end, I thought it would be a good time to record it.

My fellow receptionist at crime received a phone call from someone who thought the Max (Part of Portland's transit system in the form of a light rail train thingy) was all blown up and bombed. Haha, so I looked it up on www.katu.com to see what happened. It turned out that a Portland man was linked to the bombing in Spain. So they showed the footage of the Spain attack. He must have thought that was the max. He also must have been some kind of stupid. You dont even have to read the screen. They talk. You listen. It doesnt take a brainiac to understand what was going on. You dont have to think. Televised news is for people too lazy to read the newspaper. Are we really at the point where we are too lazy to listen to the news now?

Good Lord. He must be a Fox news watcher. Dumbass.

MONKEY maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan.

I like bread and butter. Oh I like toast and jam. Thats what my baby makes me, because I'm his lovin' MONKEY woMAAAAAAAAAAAN.

I really do like toast and jam!! Who doesnt. Atkins?? Haha, he bit the dust. Who cares 'bout him any longer.

I like monkeys too. I wouldnt want one though. I'm scared enough to approach my hampster. She's so big now. With gigantic teeth. She shows me everyday. It's almost like she says "Har Har Har, you like my gigantic teeth, Melissa? If you thought my biting you before was bad, how would you like it if I bit you now?? With my GIGANTICO TOOPHERS??? Har har har har har har har. Now... give me a carrot!"

She really is scary. Not only does she look french, she looks like a french pirate. I want to put an eye patch on her. Except that means I would have to get awfully close to her.

At this time, I would like to sing a song to my hampster, Betty.
You freakin' scare the crap outta meeeee
Freaky French Pirate Hampsteeeer eeeeeeeeeee.

Yo ho ho and a bottle of, ehh, TEQUILA!!!!!!!!

Hello my fellow blog readers!! I thought I would stop working and ponder life for a moment. You know, stop to smell the roses. Dum dee dum hum hum. Do dee doo do do. Hey!!! I like not working!

Interestingly enough, I also like not being awake!!!

If I could, I would sleep right now. hmmm....

You know, my boss is gone for the day....

Oh wait, I have to answer the damn phone again. Bugger. Heheheh, I'm typing this and talking on the phone at the same time. I've got skill.

Nevermind. No I dont. I said, and I quote, "please hold one skill.." Instead of "one moment". Chooooo.

I read over my blog today. It's very very ummm, choppy. I shall tell a story to smooth it out a bit.

Once upon a day, there was a girl who really liked yogurt. She liked yogurt so much, in fact, she would steal it from her fridge at work because she was poor and couldnt afford yogurt on her own. One day she stole some more yogurt from the fridge at her work. She ate the stolen yogurt and then had a great day to follow.

The end.

God love yogurt.

Ah HA!!

I know what I want to do with my life now. I am going to be the future wife of Prince William. And be rich.

Solid.

Bum Sucker

I'm useless

What's this?!?!?

No one has written me an email today. Why??? Dont I have any friends? Well, wait, let me check my cell phone...

Nope no phone calls either. It's official... I have no friends.

Kill me, kill me now. Or get me a dog.

MELISSA'S GOING TO THE GYM TONIGHT!!! In preperation of Cinco de Mayo!!! Haiee HAIEEE!!!!

That statement made no sense thanks to my sponsor tonight....

BENADRYL!!!! You wont have allergies, but you wont be able to function either!!!

Hells teeth

Words cannot describe how incredibly bored I am right now. I want to be watching a movie right at this very moment. By myself, on my TV, at my apartment. I don't want to be working. I don't want to answer the phones anymore. I don't want to make anymore copies. I don't want to keep track of who's around the corner and who's sitting at their desks.

Funk. hahahahaha. That word always makes me feel better. So does stinky. Funky stinky. Haha hoho. I still want to watch a movie though.

And I want this movie to have naked men in it.

The fax the fax the fax.....

Heres a conversations I just had with somebody on the phone.

Me: Good afternoon, WBC
Girl: Oh, guuuh, I need the fax, the fax the fax, the fax, the fax, the fax number to the uh to the uh to the uh, student services services services fax fax machine. Do you know it, maybe, I guess..
Me: 503.241.3144
Girl: OH!!
::click::

I really really really really really hate repitition. HAHA. Unless I do it.

I quit.







not really

Will the torment never end!?!?

Hahaha, so this morning in yoga class, we all had to meditate in silence. And during this 10 minutes of silence, someone let a big one rip. Hoo boy, that's funny. I managed to contain myself however. Until we were doing a bit of stretching, and this one girl messed the move up, and did something so funky. HAHAHAHA, I accidentally giggled. It's not my fault. People are funny.

And it gets worse. I walked out behind this guy who didn't wear his shoes to class. He just walked out into the parking lot, with no shoes on. It really struck me as funny, I don't know why.

And then, as I turned a corner, (at 7:45am) there was the shortest midget I have ever seen, wearing a tuxedo. A lady midget. With a top hat and all. I ran the rest of the way to my car, and giggled all the way to my history class.

Which consequently killed my mood immediately. Although, I learned today that one of the largest Hoovervilles in America (during the Great Depression) was right under the Ross Island Bridge. I NEVER EVER KNEW THAT!! Know I do. And so do you. I have to go to the loo. Ma Ma Ma choo.

Who Disturbs my Slumba?

My mother and my sister did. By waking up my sleeping dog by arriving home.

Me: ZZZZZZZZZ...
Murphy: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz....
::Car sqweeking home::
Murphy: Bower?!?!? Whine, whine whine, roror ruff, whine whine, reeeeer ruff.
Me: Oh monkey head in a biscuit thrower.
Murphy: WHINE WHINE WHINE, ROOOOOOOOOOOR RUUUUUUUUF
Me: If you want in so badly, let yourself in.
Murphy: (in a British accent) I would, but I have no thumbs, as I am a dog, so I cannot possibly let myself in this door to greet members of this family.
Me: Bow er ow?

Dag Nammit

I hate spiders. I found yet another yellow spider in my car again. This time I had no Febreeze to defend my territory. Blasphemy! I'm soooooooo sick of spiders and its not even summer.

I'm going out tonight. This should be interesting. Well, not to sound full of myself, its always interesting when I am involved. Har Har Har. Cause I'm so cool.

Cause I'm so dorky.

Gosh, I'm bored. I believe I shall lay out on the deck and close my eyes.