I was driving to work this afternoon. I was just rained on, so I was very wet. I went to check my makeup in the sun visor mirror thing AND A GIGANTIC YELLOW SPIDER jumped onto my face. Obviously I freaked out, and luckily I was in Portland already, so I slammed on my breaks and jumped out of my car (all of which was pure reflex, which is why I was glad I was off the highway) and started doing the "Spider Shake" which involves lots of jumping around, and tearing at your hair, when a concerned police officer stopped. He asked me if everything was ok (obviously not dumb-dumb) but I felt too stupid to say anything, as he was young and hot. So I said "of course" and went back to my car. Much to my demise, as I went to go into drive, the GIGANTIC YELLOW SPIDER was on my shifty thingy, but the hot and young cop was still watching me suspiciously, so I had to drive the rest of the way to work. I lost the yellow spider. I don’t know where it went. Oh holy hell.

I wonder if I should move to San Francisco.

If anyone is reading this, I implore you to kill any yellow spiders you see. Show no mercy. If you can stand to be near them, rip their legs off one at a time. If you are as scared of them as I am, do what I do, and throw your shoe at them from across the room. They should get the hint. Actually they should die...but whatever.

Tuesdays suck.